Friday, September 26, 2008

Thank you

"Thank you" is one of the most frequent phrases in the English language according to non-politicians. And though I already work in government, I shall never forget the good people who made my unbearable life working in the private sector, more bitchable, I mean bearable, than usual.

Bridget- If you were a guy, people might've thought we were gay. It's a good thing we're women and going to the restroom together most of the time only made them think we've got bladder problems. Just kidding. Seriously, thank you for being my bestfriend inside the office. Everytime I pass by Starbucks, Ministop or simply see food, I'm reminded of you. hehehe. We've never got the opportunity to enroll in the gym together and lose all those pounds, but it doesn't matter, 'cause at least we gained those pounds together (what?!). I hope to see you really soon. You didn't know it, but you were a shining star to a lonely world surrounded by four walls and a computer screen. :)




ES- U.P certainly breeds only the best. The best and the queerest, but also the wittiest! No man could match your wit, because he would have to be a woman...(who now owns this blog). :-D Thank you ES for listening to my rants about work and sharing with me your secrets. You have made my stay in that company a smart experience.

Anne- I don't believe you don't have a heart. It's just misplaced or referred to differently. Many of us refer to it as "brain", but you can't argue about that with other people because they don't have one. hehe. Thank you Anne, I've learned so much from you, like how to love with an iron hand. But sometimes you remind me of my current boss. haha.

Rj- Right now his fingers talk
In quick responses; seemingly
Anxious to forget all deadlines
Nearing the 4PM dismissal.

Thank you for being really nice. Thank you also for teaching me sarcasm.
To honor you, I shall name my dog after you, if and when I get one, and then make it into adobo. hehe. But seriously, you did one great job as a boss. From you I've learned that there is fear in love and respect--a good type of fear that will motivate people to excel because they don't want to end up like you. hehehe. Just kidding. :-) I had a good mentor. This "thank you" should be proof of it :-)

Pet- Your name may not match your stature, but it certainly does your heart and nature. I'm saying this because I don't want you to crush me or hit me with a San Mig bottle or a pillbox. Pillow, puwede pa. hahaha. Your parents certainly have a sense of humor (they nicknamed you pet!), and so do you. Thank you for making me laugh and for making me realize law school is indeed for me. See you in court...dadala ako ng beer, sayo yung pulutan. Tapos yayain natin yung judge. hehe.

Jon- I may be the boss, but you're the Chairman! hahaha. Geekiness has never been amusing, and it still isn't. Just kidding. Thank you for advising me on all computer and electronic related inquiries. Thanks also for the free dvds and for making me realize I do need to go to the gym. hahaha. bastard. grrr. hahaha.

Debbie- with you, words become shield and sword. Thank you Debbie--your loud laughs have pierced my heart and ears. Your laughter has never failed to wake me up when I felt like I was going crazy--I realized may nauna na pala sa akin. hehe.

Arnel and Bryan- Debbie and Anne's bodyguards. I salute you. Awoo! Bryan thank you for making me realize (again) that first impressions should never last. One aspect about a person doesn't make him that person. Arnel, thank you for talking. A philosopher once said, "A man who knows how to speak, knows also when."

Marck- "I think therefore I am Marck!" hehe. Thank you for sharing my interest in theories on almost everything under the sun. One day, the revolution will not be televised. :-) You may appear to be a gloomy person, but you have the gift to inspire. And I'm glad you're using it.

Paul- my main man when it comes to good music. Thank you for sharing with me knowledge in the form of the played note. Your hunger for improvement in writing and for constructive criticism made me realize there's still hope in this worl. hehe.

Kristel- Ms. Paris Hilton with a HUGE brain. :-) Her height is indirectly proportional to her intellect. Thank you for your fierceness, sexiness and wit--something every girl should have. You truly are a woman for others with the way you care for your friends and officemates.

Rica- cute but dangerous! Thank you rica for being sweet when we all knew you could bite us and tear us into pieces. hahaha.

Staci- You are the epitome of candidness! You are ES's rival in terms of wit, but you're the sole winner when it comes to flamboyance. hahaha. I like the way you express yourself in the manner you dress up, 'coz you don't care and that's how it's suppose to be. That's how you roll.

Jeanie- thank you for being what everyone should be: honest.

Jie- for also being honest. But most especially, for bearing with me on my walk-out episode.

Chemae- thank you for lending me your ear when Van Gogh accidentally cut off mine. Your silence is precious in a sea of noisy keyboards, ranting writers and growling stomachs.

Aila- cute pero hindi mayabang. you must be rj's antonym. Siya kasi hindi na cute, mayabang pa. hahaha. Just kidding. Thanks Aila for being really nice and for attending my poetry performance. Kinilig ako. May artista na dumalo!

Coco- thank you for trusting me, aside from the yosi and beer.

Elaine- you are the best seatmate ever! And that's not because you are the only seatmate I've ever had, but because you made me want to finish my work on time everytime I heard you typing away and finishing your articles early. Thank you also for making my life relatively easier as an editor. I know that in this blog I'm committing the same mistakes I told you not to do, but hey, it's a blog. And it's my blog. hahaha.
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Thursday, September 25, 2008

On small things made big

(This was my first blog post I uploaded at my Multiply account. May 15, '07 9:01 AM. My attempt to blog back then was a failure. Blame the TV and the so many cases I had to read back then.)

On my way to Antipolo, I encountered the most wonderful and most dreadful thing in a straight woman's universe (sorry if i sound like a male pressuming to be female): the Dick. I'd rather give it a name far from its dreary biological term, penis. Perhaps it appeared to me with much persona since it was attached to an oogling crude and brainless other organism, man. It took approximately about 20mins before it occurred to me that this sick-celled organism was parading his stuff in front of me. Well, it wasn't technically in front of me but was obviously pointing to my direction. I was so busy texting, asking for directions and updating friends and parents on my whereabouts that I missed the whole show. Not my loss. There was nothing big in it anyway.



However, the manang beside me was so scandalized that she actually held her tongue until he got off...the jeepney, upon which he said to me in the most seductive tone of a kanto-boy: "nakita mo noh??" Manang naman, you should've told me he was trying to get my attention and I would've smothered him. Period.

To complete the drama, I shed a tear just to show that I was the dalagang pilipina they expected me to be: meek, sheltered and uhm, chaste? What appalled me was not what he did to violate my personhood (that wasn't appalling, that was pathetic) but the fact that I didn't know how to react at that moment, to think that I never lacked the imagination for these things. I was caught off-guard and much to my surprise, I let it get to me. If not, I wouldn't be writing this article.
And, oh, this isn't just catharsis. As Bernice puts it, catharsis would've been shouting "MANYAKIS!" at the top of my lungs while pointing to his unused appendage.

I've always considered myself a strong individual. But the moment I saw Dick, I hid behind an unopened umbrella, which unsurprisingly reminded me of Dick also. I was too concerned about the people around me to react. I had the notion that Dick and his owner would lunge at me the moment I disrupted his daydreaming. Much to my surprise, my co-passengers shared my vision of violence: slap those who stare at you and who think ill about you. I should've acted more "Roman-noblesse". I could've turned Simone de Beauvoir with a chain saw if I wasn't locked up within image-constructs.

The solution: next time, instead of bringing an umbrella, bring a knife. It's more threatening. And "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" as a pick-up line only works with desperates..even if the person saying that line looks like Johnny Depp and is as rich as Bill Gates.

Wait, I'm now having second thoughts. Johnny depp's yummy.

Nevermind.This is endagering my priciples. I'll just stick to bringing a knife.
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...And Action!

I'm not a fan of writing. Reading and ranting, yes. But writing, hardly. Today, I make an exception. After working in a company that required me to churn out 10 articles with more than 300 words each day, it's hard to say "no" to the keyboard when it entices you to write again. Besides, I'll be needing this to keep myself sane before the semester starts and before the boogeyman steps into the classroom.

I don't like talking about myself, though that's what blogs are supposedly for. I'm better talking about other things. However, as I recall in theory class, what you talk about and what you like reflects, if not defines, who you are. Still, I subscribe to what Oscar Wilde said that to define yourself is to limit yourself.



So much for the boring philosophical statements. To remedy that, here's a list I received in my email of how funny Filipinos really are :

1.Parlor in San Juan is named "Cut & Face".
2.Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: "Starduck".
3.Internet cafe opened among squatters named "Cafe Pindot".
4.In Manila, there's a laundry place named,"Summa Cum Laundry".
5.Pet shop in Ortigas: "Pussies and Bitches".
6.A pet shop in Kamuning: "Pakita Mo Pet Mo".
7.Bakery: "Bread Pit".8.Bank in Alabang: "Alabank".
9.Restaurant in Pampanga named, "Mekeni Rogers".
10.Restaurant in Pasig : "Johnnny's Fried Chicken: The 'Fried' of Marikina".
11.A boxing gym: "Blow Jab".
12.A tombstone maker in Antipolo: "Lito Lapida".
13.A copy center in Sikatuna Village called "Pakopya ni Edgar".
14.A beerhouse in Cavite called, "Chickpoint" .
15.Laundromat in Sikatuna: " Star Wash: Attack of the Clothes".
16.Name of a kambingan, "Sa Goat Kita".
17.A salon somewhere, "Curl Up And Dye".
18.A store selling feeds for chickens: "Robocock".
19.Shoe repair in Marikina : "Dr. Shoe-Bago". -(this one is rather intellectual)
20.Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, "SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you". -(this really cracked me up)
21.Petshop: "Petness First"
22.Taxicab: "Income Taxi".
23.A 2nd hand watch store: "2nd Time Around".
24.A squid stall in a wet market: "Pusit to the Limit".
25.A shrimp store: "Hipon Coming Back".
26.A ceiling installer: " Kisame Street ".
27.A car repair shop: "Bangga ka 'day?"
28.An aquatic pet store in Malolos: "Fish Be With You".
29.A bakery: "Anak Ng Tinapay".
30.Laundry shop: "Wash Your Problem".
31.This mobile massage business slogan is: "Massage only, God is watching".
32.A fishball cart near UST: "Eat My Balls".
33.A Restaurant: "The Last Supper".
34.A goto stall: "Goto Ko Pa!"
35.A party needs business: "Balloon-Balloonan" .
36.An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S. : "The Master Baiter". -(at least this one is in the U.S)
37.Beauty Salon: "Hair Dot Comb".

Although some Filipinos, especially those from the educated class, will slap their foreheads with their palms after reading this, I think these are good examples of Filipino wit and ingenuity (with words at least). The ability to create and use humor for a serious matter, such as a business, makes me realize that Filipino advertising reflects our trait of looking at the brighter side of life.
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Because you write

Let your imagination do the talking.

I've decided my blog should be more useful than making people laugh or cry or giving them more exercise by clicking the close button. So for soon-to-be Lola Basyangs, here's a good way to put your imagination into good use. (Thanks to Siege Malvar for the initial post)

Call for Entries: PBBY-Salanga Prize 2009
The Philippine Board on Books for Young People (PBBY) is now accepting entries for the 2009 PBBY-Salanga Prize. The contest is co-sponsored by the Cultural Center of the Philippines (CCP) and The National Library.



The grand prize winner shall win a cash prize of P25,000.00, a gold medal, and an opportunity to be published. Prizes will be awarded in an appropriate ceremony to be held during the celebration of National Children’s Book Day in July 2009.

CONTEST RULES

· The contest is open to all Filipino citizens except those who are related to any PBBY member up to the third degree of consanguinity.
· Stories should be intended for children aged 6 to 12 years old. The plot and the sequence must be capable of sustaining an illustrated book of 28 to 32 pages.
· Entries may be in Filipino or English.
· Entries must be in hard copy, double-spaced, on short bond paper. Maximum length is five (5) pages.
· A contestant may send in more than one (1) entry.
· Each entry must be signed by a pen name only. Five (5) copies of each entry should be placed in an envelope, on the face of which only the pen name of the contestant should appear.
· Together with each entry, contestants must submit a second envelope, on the face of which the pen name shall appear. This must contain the contestant’s full name, address, contact numbers, a short literary background, and a notarized certification from the author, vouching for the originality of the entry and for the freedom of the organizers from any liability arising from the infringement of copyright in case of publication, and affirming that the entry or any variant thereof has (a) never been published nor (b) won any other contest i.e. that it has never won 1st, 2nd, 3rd, honorable mention in any other contest or otherwise been awarded a medal, a citation, or included in a publicized list of meritorious entries to a literary contest.
· All entries must be sent through snail mail to the PBBY Secretariat, c/o Adarna House, Inc. 2/F FSS Bldg. 20 Scout Tuason cor. Scout Castor Sts.,Brgy. Laging Handa, Quezon City 1103.
· All entries must be received by the PBBY Secretariat no later than 5:00 p.m., November 14, 2008.
· Winners will be announced no later than December 12, 2008. Non-winning entries may be claimed at the PBBY Secretariat until January 6, 2009.
The winning story will be the basis for the 2009 PBBY-Alcala Prize. For more details, interested parties may contact the Philippine Board on Books for Young People, at 2/F FSS Bldg. 20 Scout Tuason cor. Scout Castor Sts., Brgy. Laging Handa, Quezon City 1103, Telefax 372-3548 or email pbby@adarna.com.ph.
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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

That's THE Chuck Norris to you!

(I'm writing this for fear of my life.)

I came across this site when I asked Pitoot to type "find chuck norris" in Google's searchbox then click "sinuswerte ako" (I suggest you do this also to find out). Instead, he simply typed "chuck norris" and after clicking "sinuswerte ako" was directed to http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ .

The site was simply hilarious! If you're not a fan of Chuck Norris, you will be, unless you want to experience a roundhouse kick to the head.



Apparently, Chuck Norris has visited the site and picked some of his favorite lines:

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
  • Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

No one is too young to know who Chuck Norris is. He's everywhere.


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